Being slightly thoughtful suddenly.
Was checking on the working holiday scheme randomly today.
Thanks for that, I’ve been thinking slightly too much now.
It is about my dad.

Dad plans to retire next month on his 55th birthday.
I should be glad that he has finally completed his working stage, and it’s about time for him to have a long rest. However, I didn’t feel much on that. It’s more like, I’m anxious.
I’m a bit worry about him. Well, to be honest, more than just a little bit.
With his current health condition (diagnosed to have diabetic), it worries me lot more.
He told us he plans to raise some ducks in Kedah or elsewhere after his retirement.
Hmmm… he’s quite carefree in a way I guess.
But I’m still worry about him.
Will there be anything that he could occupy with? And his income source? Would it be scarce with the little living expenses we give him every month? Will he be alright without the three of us by his side? The more I think about that, the more anxious I become.
Dad always ask us not to worry too much, that he’ll manage it. Still, I couldn’t help not to worry about him, although I seldom express. Well, you know me. I show less affection with those I care, even though I care actually.
My brother is entering his second year now. If not mistaken, he’ll continue his study in KL next year, during his third year. And with our plan (my sis and I) to go for working holidays in New Zealand next year, neither the three of us are with him that time. To think of that, it kinda worried me.
And suddenly, I thought of her. I wonder how things would be if she’s here with us now. If only she didn’t have to go so far away from us, from him, maybe, just maybe they will spend their quality time together, enjoying the tranquility of the nature. At least, there is someone who could take care of him. And for that, I could at least go to NZ without worries, knowing that she’s with him that time. Then again, that could only happen in my dreams.
I know, to think of that is kinda selfish. But, I know there are things that just could not be undone. What happened had happened already. There is nothing much to left except the memories lies behind. Then again, it kinda saddens me, knowing that we hardly had lots of good memories together, and we hardly spent some quality time together either. I was not capable of treating her to a trip or good food last time. And when I am capable of doing that now, I don’t have the chance already.
I kinda miss her now. I don’t know why, I didn’t feel like this for a long time after her passed, and all a sudden, the sadness overwhelmed me.